Why That “Small” Comment from Your Manager Still Hurts? (Even After Hours or Days)
Stop over thinking and energy leak with the ABC Framework
You left the meeting hours ago, but your mind didn’t.
With a sharp tone and a direct word. Your manager said:
“Never mind—I’ll just handle it myself.”
They moved on like it was nothing.
But you can’t stop thinking about it.
Insider, you feel like a disappointment.
And you even began to doubt yourself:” Did I say something wrong?”
It wasn’t a big confrontation.
But you sure felt the tension.
What the heck?
And the worst part?
It’s a major cause of energy drain.
The harsh truth is: It’s not just what they said.
It’s what it meant to you.
That moment may have seemed small from the outside.
But for you, it triggered at something deeper:
Maybe it stirred up a fear of being judged or rejected.
Or a memory of someone making you feel small…
Or a belief that you’re not doing enough, even when you’re trying your best.
The emotion is real, but the cause isn’t always obvious.
These are the stories many of us carry silently into the workplace.
And when a moment like that happens?
It doesn’t just trigger frustration—it triggers insecurity.
So… what do you do with that?
How do you stop overthinking?
How do you get your mental clarity back?
You slow it down.
You decode it.
You reconnect.
You use the ABC Framework.
Let’s walk through it.
A = Awareness
First, tune in.
Notice what’s happening inside you—before reacting to what’s happening around you.
Instead of replaying the conversation over and over in your head…
Ask yourself:
What exactly am I feeling right now?
What story am I telling myself about what just happened?
Is this about what’s being said? Or what do I think it means?
It might be fear.
It might be a memory.
It might be a belief that you always have to prove yourself.
This isn’t about over-analyzing or blaming.
It’s about self-awareness.
Awareness doesn’t mean you won’t feel triggered.
But it does mean you see clearly how it takes over your attention and drains your energy.
Because if you can self-reflect on it, you can also disarm it.
B = Behavior
Next, Zoom out.
Observe what might be driving their behavior.
Maybe your manager’s tone was sharp.
Maybe their words are direct.
But pause and ask:
What’s going on with them?
Are they overwhelmed?
Are they in fix-it mode?
Are they someone who micromanages when anxious?
Keep in mind:
~Sometimes their reaction says more about their stress than your skills.
~Sometimes their micromanaging reveals their fear, not your failure.
You don’t have to excuse poor communication.
But decoding it helps you put it in context.
And context gives you power.
Because once you stop personalizing, you start seeing the full picture.
The key is in your understanding so that you can respond instead of react.
And the moment you decode instead of personalize? You give yourself more power, more options, and less emotional clutter.
C = Connection
Finally, Reconnect.
Revisit the moment with a calm and clear mind, once the emotion settles.
Here’s what that might sound like:
“Hey—can we circle back to that earlier?
I just want to make sure I’m clear on what you need from me.”
It’s not confrontational.
It’s communication.
You’re not reacting.
You’re responding.
In fact, you are reconnecting.
Because a real connection doesn’t come from avoiding hard moments.
It comes from moving through them with calm, clarity, and courage.
The sooner you clarify the misunderstanding, the more space you create for mutual understanding.
That’s emotional intelligence in action.
And when you approach tension this way?
~You don’t just build trust.
~You become someone who’s worth trusting—to others and yourself.
~You earn respect, and that’s when real connection happens.
Here’s the shift to watch for:
From overthinking ➝ To self-reflecting
From absorbing ➝ To decoding
From reacting ➝ To responding
Let’s Talk
Have you ever been hijacked by a “small” moment that stuck with you for days?
Drop a 🔁 if this resonates—or share what helps you come back to clarity.
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Until next time, now go practice reading Between the Lines.
~ River